Epiphany.

You know guys it’s been a while since I’ve been here and man has it been crazy. I’ve met someone! Before you get too happy let me just say. I don’t think it’s going to work out. I realized today just sitting here on the floor. He’s no good for me. 1. He makes no time to see me. 2. He doesn’t want anything serious. 3. He’s not a very nice person. I’m just kind of at that point where I’m thinking what the hell have I been doing wasting my time with someone who doesn’t value me and the things I’d do to make them happy. I’m so frustrated with the fact I always put in more effort than the other person. I thought maybe I could try and fix him to work through the problem he has with trusting women, but I think that’s just an excuse to avoid a potential relationship. I’m sad now. I feel that if he really liked me he would try harder and actually want a relationship.I go through this all the time. I just don’t understand why I’m not good enough to be someone’s girlfriend. Is it my physical? Am I not thin enough? Pretty enough? All these thoughts running through my mind. I honestly don’t know why I can’t be happy. I just want to love and be loved. I think I deserve happiness too. I’ve tried to do right and be a good person. It just seems nothing works.
I think it’s time I let go of this one. It was fun while it lasted and I’m going to stop trying to fix broken people it never works and the only one whoever gets hurt here is me. I’m stubborn and I don’t like to let thing go, but a girl has to know when to walk away. I think I’ve reached my breaking point. Smile and move on.

Another bites the dust.

Today ideas really looking forward to going out with my friends. Now I feel like crap. I was talking to a guy I could possibly really be into he was saying all the right things to make me feel special, wanted, beautiful, and that maybe he’d be different. Not even after countless times I told him I wouldn’t have sex he isn’t he didn’t care that we would wait for me because I was worth it. You want to know how long this one lasted? 7 days. Just when I was starting to believe him. He ended up doing what all the others before him. They stopped texting me sweet things, no more pet names, no more sweet talk it changed to cold, short and rude messages. I really can’t stand going through this again. Why do they stick around and then leave when they can’t get what they want? I told him from the beginning I was different. Do men just try in hopes to change my mind? I don’t know, but every time it happens I feel a little emptiness. Am I not worth waiting for? Why do guys only want me for my body? Do I give off the vibe of a hook up kind of girl? Frankly, I’m tired, disappointed, heartbroken, and feeling pretty low right now. It’s not even that I liked him that much I just hate that guys just want to use me. Thats what breaks my heart every time. Times like these make me feel like why do I even bother to wait if things like this always happen. I don’t know how much longer I can wait around for the nice guy to sweep me off my feet, respect my decision, appreciate, and love me the way I am.😔💔