Time heals and even the deepest of wounds

I miss this blog terribly, but I stopped writing in it because I was out living life instead of being locked up in my room. Today I woke up with the heaviest of hearts. I can’t explain how much love truly hurts. I saw it coming, but of course the hopeless romantic I am had to get the most dramatic of endings to a love affair. That’s simply just who I am.
Remember five months of wasted love? Yeah I thought I was over him too, but someone he just stuck around. Time not distance has made me love him any less. He’s everything I’d ever want. He’s smart, caring, faithful, sincere, honest, nerdy but the cute kind, he’s a wonderful listener and is the most supportive of men and I am deeply in love with him. The saddest part of all is he belongs to another. I don’t even hate the girl at all which is weird, but I just simply hate the fact he isn’t with me. Yesterday I was honest with him about the way I felt and he told me how he felt about me dating someone else. I just don’t understand how he can’t see that if you fall for somebody else. That if you feel jealous of another guy going out with your girl you aren’t as in love with your partner as you think. I wish he could see that. I know it may seem like I’m the bad guy, but I never made a move I’ve never done anything I always kept my distance. Somehow he always seemed to pull me back. He has this indescribable hold on me it’s going to take some time to get over it, but I will. Loving a man who doesn’t love you back isn’t something I want to deal with. Isn’t something I ever want to go through it sucks, but I’ve learned my lesson the hard way. I give up and I’m closing my heart to him. He will never choose me and I don’t understand why. I think I’m a good girl I could’ve made him happy I just don’t understand why I’m not good enough. You know how they say hate can easily turn into love? Well the love I have for Jay has turned into hate and resentment. I cannot keep doing this to myself. I deserve better maybe later I can let go and move on, but today I’ll hold on to this hate to get me through this terrible heart ache. I’ll keep you posted on my hearts status later right now it seems pretty empty.